Celebrity Big Brother 2015 – The Fairytale

*You are reading a CBB Blog – Please excuse my swearing*

Wednesday 7th Jan – The Live Launch

First housemate in (but not really!) was Katie Hopkins. Best known for being a Gob Shite. 
Ironically she doesn’t see herself as a Panto Villain but Emma Willis introduces her as the Wicked Witch. Katie also claims that she doesn’t need to be liked or popular. She’s totally going to be one of the first people to cry in the house
And straight in with a BB Twist, as far as the other housemates will be concerned she’s not even in the house yet, as BB invites Katie to step inside the Enchanted Mirror. To pass judgement on those who will be her fellow celeb housemates, and must pick the two she find least entertaining. What she doesn’t know is that those 2 will be up for the first public vote. 
I already want to scream “BORE OFF” at the screen because every other word is Scottish, Ginger and Fat. You don’t need to go on love we know you hate those things in people. We hate you but we’re not going to go on…for now. 
So the next, first housemate in was Patsy Kensit or as her mates know her ‘Mrs Pop Off’, best known for being the daughter of a gangster, an actress and Liam Gallagher’s ex-wife. She describes herself as a hopeless romantic that loves a wedding – she clearly doesn’t take herself seriously. I’d like to think of her as a sure bet to take on Katie when she’s bad mouthing people. 
The two added bonuses of Patsy are that she is a huge BB fan and she is very sweary – like me. 
Housemate number 2 was Perez Hilton, famous for his celebrity feuds and even more so for his celeb gossip blog. He is self titled the ‘Queen of all Media’. 
He’s another one claiming that he’s not trying to be liked by anybody or everyone, Believe me when I say he’ll be crying the first time he’s nominated. 
Up next was Ken Morley or as we know him Reg Holdsworth and lets be serious we will be calling him Reg not Ken for his duration. He says he has a volatile temper and only rows with women. He could be this series’ John McCririck. I expect him and Katie to be bickering like siblings. Despite him being one of the most mature housemates he’ll be first to throw his dummy out the pram over BB house rules.
Katie Hopkins Assessment Update
  • Perez talks too much.
  • Reg looks like he’s escaped from a care home and he’s just realised he’s been stitched up by his agent.
  • Patsy looks awful 

Fourth up was……I have no idea but was apparently engaged to TOWIEs Kirk (but not now) and is an alternative tattoo model. Oh and her name is Cami Li. Her opinion on living with other women “Bitches be cray!” and of course she’s gone down the road of she’s come on CBB to prove beautiful people can be smart too. 
Housemate number 5 was Calum Best and you can see where this is going, putting him in straight after Cami. He is best known for being a TV personality and George Best’s son. He says he is no longer a playboy and not looking for love in the house either, yeah leopard and spots come to mind. 
Next in, as housemate number 6, was Alicia Douvall a self proclaimed Kiss & Tell Glamour Model and cosmetic surgery freak….350 different cosmetic procedures she’s had done in total and then had to have had half of them removed. 
She said that although the tabloids had alluded, in the past, to her having ‘relations’ with Calum Best, they’ve never even kissed. To be honest he looked like he wanted to punch her when she went in. 
Perez keep spouting facts at each new housemate enters the house, about themselves, in getting both annoying and boring. We have Wikipedia for such things.
Alexander O’Neal was the seventh housemate in, surely he’s making enough in royalties to just quick back and relax in his twilight years. Ain’t nobody need that shit at his age! I predict him to sit on the fence and enjoy being faffed around and waited on by doting housemates. 
Katie Hopkins Assessment Update
  • Alicia, that’s a face that isn’t going to look good in the morning without make-up.
  • Alexander, biggest disappointment so far and looks like he’s wearing a charity store suit with white pumps.
  • Cami, effectively a hooker that gets her tits out.

Oohhh! You’ve gone too far with the comments about Alexander O’Neal, Katie, you’ve proper pissed of Emma Willis
Housemate number 8 was the lovely Nadia Swalha – Actress, TV Presenter and winner of Celebrity Master Chef. Nadia says that she hates people that are nasty for nasty sake (That’ll be Katie then). She also confesses she is doing CBB so that she can afford to have her kitchen extended but she is a huge BB fan anyway and is “ready to play the game”.
Next in, housemate number 9, was Jeremy Jackson possibly the biggest WHHHHOOOOO? of the night. Apparently he was the child actor that played David Hasslehoff’s son in Baywatch & huge fuck up ever since. Huge ego and fruit loop, he has even dressed like one.
O-M-G he just had a proper grope of Emma Willis’ bum, you’re lucky that Matt McBusted is in hospital mate. 
I’m glad he brought his Vapour cigarette because he’s already looking like this series Vanessa Feltz and without nicotine he could be your worst nightmare.
Katie Hopkins Assessment Update
  • Says that she must be the only normal person in the house.
  • Nadia, might normal when she calms down and now they have a good cook.
  • Jeremy, some kid who was on the telly when he was 2 and now he’s here aged 28 acting like a prat.
  • Perez still hasn’t stopped talking. 
  • Basically it looks like small child’s party and all the kids are called Tyler.

Housemate number 9 was Kavana of ‘I can make you feel good” 90’s fame and The Big Reunion. He’s description of himself is that he got famous very young (16) off the back of that song and then lost it all, including his mind. Apparently Amy Winehouse nicknamed Chavana and that says it all. 
On entering the house Perez immediately outs him as a ‘fellow gay’ ….. Was that public knowledge??!!
Up next and number 10 was Michelle Visage, a TV presenter on Ru Pauls Drag Race. Yet another one self proclaiming she “Doesn’t need to make friends”. Michelle also says that anything she would say behind your back she’d say to your face. The American Katie perhaps.
Katie Hopkins Assessment Update
  • She’s now calling all the housemates Freaks.
  • Michelle, might be a laugh once she stops screaming “Sha-Wow!”

Chloe Goodman is Housemate 11, known for being a model and a reality star from ‘Ex on the Beach”. States she hates boring people and people that take themselves too seriously. Basically Chloe is another possible conquest for Calum, but she seems quite switched on and I’m also a possible fan based solely on that she has a Sausage dog.
Best housemate greeting of the night, goes to Patsy Kensit. On meeting Chloe “Have you had a chewing gum? Your breath smells lovely”. Who says that?!
Last but not least, Keith Chegwin has gone into the house. TV Personality for over 42 years and a little bit cringe. He does however admit that people call him wanker in the street. Best promise made so far – that Cheggars won’t get naked. He’s also been sober for 22 years – what could go wrong?
Warming to Cheggars a bit, totally star struck by Alexander O’Neal and seems to be great friends with Patsy.
Katie Hopkins Assessment Update
  • Chloe, seems to have two assets and they are both on show.
  • Cheggars is cute, probably sweet and loving.

And now Katie has been moved to the diary room, to tell Big Brother the two people she finds least entertaining but there is a twist, of course, the two Katie has named will be the first to face the public vote.
And Katie’s reward …. ? The Enchanted Mirror has placed a curse on her, until further notice . She can only be kind and courteous to the other housemates and has to be the first to console Chloe & Alexander when they find out they’re up for the public vote. If she doesn’t do these things she will face her own personal nightmare. 
So Katie goes back into the house, as housemate number 13 and so far is playing by the BB / Enchanted Mirror rules.

As soon as the Enchanted Mirror started talking to all the housemates, Kavana & Michelle were full on panicking before she even mentions that ‘she’ (the Enchanted Mirror) has deemed two housemates to be least entertaining and that is Chloe & Alexander.

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